How To Be A Man

The Tim Pepper Version…

The Common Scarfed Man

Yes, John LeFevre was first to this party. I personally don’t like a lot of his list. It’s written for fancy men. Although I appreciate the finer things at times, I’m not a fancy man. So, I’m writing my own list, for what it’s worth. Here’s a link to John’s post because you might like his better https://medium.com/@JohnLeFevre/how-to-be-a-man-2018-edition-12db8ac8123e

1. Stop complaining. It drags you and everyone else down. Do something instead. Fix the problem. Offer a solution. Offer a positive spin.
2. Be positive. The world is full of awful things and awful people. You can be part of that or you can be a point of light. Choose to be a point of light.
3. Be patient and kind and tender. These are not qualities often associated with strong masculine men. But children and the people you love and even strangers you come into contact with every day need this from you. Be man enough to suck it up and offer up a bit of your heart to people who need it.
4. Fix something. Cars, washing machines, bikes, computers or anything else that’s lying around broken. Fixing things helps you fix yourself. You don’t have to know how to fix everything but trying to fix a few things is good for you.
5. Hang the picture. All the stuff your wife or girlfriend or child or friend or partner asks you to do fits here. Just do it. Do it now. Do it with a smile and do it well. Ask if there’s anything else you can do for them.
6. Find a better job. Always be looking for a better thing. It’s good to be stretching for something. It’s good to have hope for a better life. You are not done learning and growing. You haven’t achieved everything you are going to achieve. Keep the fire burning in your soul by always searching.
7. Be content. It might take a while to get where you want to be. In the meantime be the best at what you do now and celebrate the good in your current situation.
8. Never stop learning. Learn everything. Learn every day. You don’t know everything and you never will. Be humble enough to ask dumb questions.
9. Speak up. In the meeting. At the dinner table. On the phone. You’re here for a reason. Don’t miss the opportunity to contribute.
10. Take advice from unlikely sources. Your wife might be better at exercise than you are. Take her tips on form with a “thank you”.
11. Write love letters. The person you love needs affirmation. Put your love on paper so they can read it again and again.
12. Physical intimacy isn’t about you. Figure out what your partner needs and do that. You aren’t going to leave wanting.
13. Get out of debt. Financial freedom translates into freedom of time and, while money and things can’t buy happiness, debt is a burden that increases stress and unhappiness. Get out of debt as fast as you can.
14. You need clothes that fit. They don’t have to be expensive. They just have to fit right. Focus on fit and get advice from someone if you don’t know how to dress (You probably don’t. Just take the advice. Other people have to look at you so you might as well take their opinion on what looks good). Lots of people literally love giving advice on how to look your best. Make a bit of effort and have a few classic pieces in your wardrobe. You don’t need a lot but you do need to look like you care.
15. Learn to care for other people and animals. Have a pet if you’re single. Taking good care of others is a very manly pursuit.
16. Talk to old people. They need it and you need it too.
17. Talk to kids. They need it and you need it too.
18. Work out. Ride a bike. Go hike. Run. Play ball. A man's body wasn’t made for sitting around at a desk or in front of a television. Use it or lose it. You may not be an athlete but you can make the most of what you are working with. It will help you sleep better, which is good for your brain and your body. It will make you look better and feel better. You’ll have better sex. Work out.
19. Do not neglect the spiritual aspects of life. Everything is spiritual. God is real.
20. Fight! I don’t mean that you need to go punch a dude. But, there are things worth fighting for in your life. Things like the love of your life, your place in the system, freedom, your family’s well-being. Fighting might look like going to work every day or spending time with your kids on the floor and playing some stupid game you have no interest in. Almost everything else is fighting for the attention of your loved ones so you need to fight for it too.
21. Lead by example. Don’t ask anyone to do things you haven’t done or aren’t willing to do yourself. Show the behavior you desire from others. Be what you would like others to be.
22. Teach. We all know something. Teach what you know freely. Learn what you don’t.
23. Sing. Sing in the shower. Sing in the car. Sing with gusto. It’s amazing.
24. Alcohol is poison. It can cause a lot of damage to your body and soul. It can also get you into trouble. So consider not drinking. But it can be enjoyable and is a social norm. So, if you’re going to drink alcohol, stick to one or two and make sure you drink something good like a well-made cocktail, an aged whiskey, or a good wine. Nobody, I repeat, nobody likes a drunk.
25. Go fishing or hunting. Grow a food-crop. We are disconnected from where our food comes from. Catching a fish, shooting an animal, or growing a crop is a grounding experience that reminds us that we rely on nature to live. Every life-sustaining bite of food is part of an intricate relationship we have with our environment. Whether you believe in man-made global warming or not, these activities will align you with your natural world and remind you to take better care of it.
26. Don’t pretend to be what you’re not.
27. Drugs aren’t cool. Quit it.
28. Eat real food. Stop with the McDonald’s and junk food. Take better care of yourself. Eat a salad. Cook some dinner.
29. Work is work. It’s all good and it’s all crappy. It’s part of life. Just do it and be happy about it. Do it well. Do the best you can.
30. Find the work you love. It might take a long time and you might not be able to do it full time. But keep looking and when you find it, do it. Keep doing it until you die. For no other reason than it’s work that you love. Work is good. Work you love is better.
31. Women are you’re equal. They simply are. You do not own them. You do not have dominion over them. They are not here to please you. They are not here to raise your kids. They are not here to make you feel good about yourself. They are not here to be sexy for you. They are not here to serve you in any way. A real man, in truth, values all humankind as equal to himself regardless of sex, race, religion or sexual orientation. If you do not regard the rights and status of everyone else, there may come a time when yours are disregarded. Choose to live so that all humans are able to have the same rights and freedoms you desire and enjoy for yourself.
32. Grooming is important. Whether you are a Grizzly Adams type, with a full-on beard and mop hair, or closer to the James Bond end of the spectrum, all tight and tidy, go get a proper haircut at a barbershop and give yourself a trim here and there on occasion. Just because you’re male doesn’t mean you get to look like a bum and call it manliness.
33. Wash your face!
34. Take some time to do the things you love. Most of the time men are looking out for others and that is how it’s supposed to be. But, yes, go play a round of golf. Take some time to go fishing, get on your bike and take a long ride, or just get away from everything and follow the pursuit of your choice. You need time to connect with your quiet inner being. You need time to breathe. You need time to turn off the noise. You need alone time. You need time to feel what you miss most in life.
35. Read books! Books are full of knowledge and adventure. Books are full of wisdom. Your brain works better when you read books.
36. Be passionate! Do not go through life without passion. Live life to the full! Find your passions and pursue them!
37. Keep a journal. Write down the things you think, the things you see, the things you need to get out of your head. Writing things down is like performing a mental defrag in your brain. It doesn’t matter if you never read what you write. Just write. You’ll thank yourself when you have sudden clarity about things you’ve been worrying about.
38. Forgive your parents. Blaming your disappointments on them or anyone else is not manly. Take responsibility for your own life and give them a break. They did the best they could. Now it’s your turn.
39. Separate your darks and lights before throwing your clothes into the washing machine. If you don’t do it now you will frustrate the crap out of your future wife. If you’re already married and you’re not doing this your wife hates you and simply isn’t telling you. Do it.
40. Pay attention to the things your wife doesn’t put in the dryer. You also don’t put those things in the dryer. See above.
41. Be open to new things. This includes experiences, new relationships after you’ve been burned, new ideas, new ways of being. There’s a word for men who get stuck in a rut and don’t like to try new things, you old ‘geezer’!
42. Know who you are. There are times when trying that new thing will be diametrically opposed to who you are and what you stand for. When trying something new requires you to break your ethical, spiritual or moral code think twice. I say think twice because your code might be wrong. Your code might need breaking! But if you’re going to change who you are you better be aware of the changes you’re making.
43. Procreate.

Nobody can tell you how to be the man you are but in general, choose to be a positive impact maker and a beacon of goodness and light, learn every day, listen, open your heart and your mind, look out for the well-being of others, take care of your self and your environment, pay attention to who you are, speak up for yourself and others, take responsibility, work hard, dream big and when the time comes don’t be afraid to fight for what and who you care about.